Delirious Dream

Anxiety and disillusion can make people lose their minds. I have been dreaming about strange things lately and now it has been almost two years since I left Taiwan and I still feel lost in my own world. What is it that will ultimately fulfil my goal is still unknown to me. I am still here, in this planet, finding and searching for something that I don't know whether I should believe it or not. I am still trying to find this illusion that has been written in me since I was born, maybe it is all a facade because I am starting to lose my believe, I am starting to grow perhaps or maybe I am becoming more of a cynical than before, it is the disillusion of a broken dream that brings me here to question whether all this has been a great lie. I don't know about that but all I know is that I am starting to get the real picture of what lies underneath all these bullship that we have been told to believe. Feelings are crap, and overrated.

Dwindling Days

I have been getting stressed for the past two days and i don't know why? It is not like my life isn't easy enough, i don't work and i live in a chill town but the fact that I have less than 5 months in Australia that is worrying me, and the fact that I don't know what will I do after I leave this place is really affecting my moods these two days. I can't get it, my life seems to be getting to where I want it and was crying for it. I am having fun and getting to know this friend of mine that I am living with but something is not right, I don't know what that is, I am uneasy all the times and I just don't know, somehow I can't relax. There seems to be not enough time to do a lot of things and it's been like this for the past 3 weeks. We ended up being the cleaners of the house rather than living it. That is killing the fun out of here and the fact that I am not working is also taking its toll on me. I can't do anything fun, I can't spend too much money because I need the money for my visa to Europe, the USA and New Zealand, because of these reasons I have been trying to live a very cheap life, is it worth it, I don't know. I am worried that I won't be getting my visas but also I am really missing the fun of being in Australia, travelling and enjoying my life. S

Doggie Paddle

Daft Situation

If someone steals your stuff, would you report it to the coppers? I would, but maybe that’s me, today at the BBQ, celebrating Tobias birthday one of the guys that worked briefly with me told us he lost his electric cutters, now that is an equipment that cost a lot of money, regardless of how he lost it, even thought he left it outside his caravan park on a Friday night for a few seconds, someone stealing it would really be weird, they all knew each other and Aussies aren’t a dishonest type of people, they are usually the honest kind, especially if you live in a town like Mudgee, where everybody know each other. For me, I would have gone straight to the police because first of all that cost like 3000+ bucks and that is like working for one month in vain, screw that I am not labouring for free. Something really logic was mentioned today by Dave, he reckons that the equipment should have never left the workplace because for a few reasons, one it doesn’t belong to us and two why do they have to bring it home and charge it at home? Well besides to save energy consumption by our employers, cheeky bastards and the fact that they will be charging your for anything that will happen to it, makes you want to wonder how low these people are being treated, it is like you work to help them pay off their debts or something, in other words slavery. If those equipments were so expensive why leave it to your employees, whom by all means can steal it or sell it, especially disgruntled ones. This whole job is really fishy and the more time I spend here and hear all these stories the more I find it more peculiar and intriguing about this contractor, I mean there were two girls who really questioned my reasoning for calling the cops, I mean, It is just logical because the boss or G guy is a sneaky guy, he would cut you off just to save a few bucks, how on earth would he not screw you up? And on top of that he tells this German guy not to go to the coppers? I mean, a reasonable person would think twice about this sort of person and if you have nothing to hide, what’s the fuss about visiting the police, it is not like you are working illegally, then you are basically screw (another reason why I would never work anywhere illegally, cause I don’t want to be exploited), by going to the coppers, they might actually help you and they will be on your side and statistically stolen goods are almost never going to turn up so the chances are slim to ever finding them, unless the person who stole it is a buffoon but that is another story, the thing is by reporting to the authorities, you are letting them know about this missing items and they will be informed about your and if something like let say your employer threatened to fire you, at least you will have some kind of protection, you never know how unscrupulous people would try to extort you or take advantage of you. Sometimes it is better to position yourself in a better and more advantageous position rather than leave yourself at risk or vulnerable. All I hope now is that he goes to the coppers and try not to just go away because if he does that, then he will be doing something that will put him on the wrong side of the law because by doing that, his boss could actually call the authorities and get him into trouble and that is what you don’t want to do, to make your situation worse off, it is better to have the coppers on your side than against you. Protect yourself by watching others and by doing that you are also protecting others at the same time.

Dissection

Partied the whole week and now I am totally knackered, spend the last two days drinking but since I haven't been drinking for a while, I couldn't drink much to be honest, the wine tour that we had on Saturday was exciting and fun, I took a lot of pictures and maybe, perhaps stumble by accident a new species of insect, I don't know but nobody has seen it before, it was beautiful and new but since I was half drunk, I couldn't keep my hands steady so the picture was blurred. I hope it is a new species so in that case, I can name it. That would be awesome. Some of the wine were great but some of them were awful and I have been drinking wine for a while but not in my life I would ever call myself an expert, I don't really know what is going on when I drink the wine, people tell me all sort of things, the flavour and the aftertaste, for me it all taste the same, some dryer than others but it is just the same, maybe I am not a professional drinkers, but in the other hands, I rather not be one, since most of the professional wine experts have decayed teeth so that they can better taste the wines, that isn't a good job that I would take, I can't stand bad teeth so that ain't my cup of tea, but in the other hands I might be duped into believing that! Am I that gullible, sometimes I do think so, sometimes I am smart but that is becoming a rarity in my life

Dilemma

Time goes fast, as we all grow old eventually we fell the agony of getting old but today as I looked myself from the mirror in the bathroom I have noticed a couple of grey hair. For some people that would be an awful experience but for me it was a joyful experience, I don't know but I felt quite happy, I mean I am getting old and it is just something that people should celebrate, not a lot of people live long but in these age, people live longer than our ancestors did but the idea of growing old is such a horrendous tale, I mean I know that my skin will get saggy or that I will start to have this old man smell but I am happy and I have been living a great life so I can't complain and to live another 50 more years would be an astronomical experience but well get into that once I turned 70 and we'll see how it goes, but for now I am living at Mudgee, small town with nice and friendly people, which eventually I will move to Queensland for some nice and great adventure.

Drink Up

Drinking beer in Australia is not cheap, beer are so expensive but they are not bad thought, however are they worth they price tag, sometimes they are but since am not really working, I need to cut back those expensive vices, and since my beer gut is getting bigger than before, I have decided to drink more wine instead, not until I have found a way to save money and enjoy some beer at the same time, it was a year ago that me and some friends made some homebrew beer, they tasted really good and were way cheaper than buying them at the liquor shop so why didn't I make more then, after I left South Australia (the place where we made the beer) we went to Western Australia to live and since I didn't plan to stay there, I didn't see the reason to make beer because I have no car and travelling with 23 litres of beer can be exhausting plus then I got a job that somehow helped me maintain my lifestyle and that's when I developed a beer gut, after 6 months in Perth and then South America, now I decided to bring back the free and cheap beer.

Deeds

A deed would be something that is done, performed, or accomplished in a day, something good that I have been doing daily is to cook and clean the house, well it is something that I like to do but since I am not working it is something that does keep in mentally fit, otherwise I would be doing nothing, but nothing is just an empty words to me because I do things and perhaps it might not sound important or achieving, perhaps it is just time filler, but to me it is something, I am preparing a lot of things now so at this state I am just getting my shit sorted it out and getting ready to move on to a new phase of my life, being comfortable of what I do and appreciable little things in life. That is what I would like to achieve but before that little things like this has to be sorted before moving into a bigger territory.

Daylight Saving

What have I been doing for the past few days, ohm, besides procrastinating for doing much productive, I have been literally doing a lot, well like any other day, I wake around 10ish, boil some water for my tea, I have found this fascination for drinking tea, don't know why but I have to drink something hot to keep me warm in this part of New South Wales, which can be cold early in the morning, so while I wake up in the garden with the dog next to me, drinking warm tea and waiting for the weather to warm up, I think of what I want to eat and what should I do for the rest of the day, sometimes I write a little bit, but for the past few days. Getting tan and drinking tea, well life is very hard for me but I can't complain!

Deadly Choices

I have never expected things to turn this way nor did I ever imagine that because of this I would be thrown off from my plans that I have set in Australia for the remaining of my second working holiday. Sometimes it just happened and now I am trying to figure myself out again, I mean I really don't know what I am going to do, I like my writings as well as I would like to work, but lately I have noticed that since I took my last short term job, I have been failing to write anything decent because I have been too tired to do anything, yes so is life but I want to finish with my book and I want to work and save money so I can travel to Europe next year, I am a bit nervous about all this things and also nervous about meeting new people because new people means more distraction for me and I have so much to do and so little time, I have been trying to solve some of the things are weren't solved prior to my Kiwi trip, I am trying to find closure to a lot of things, just before I start doing something new, I guess I need to find peace with some of the things that have been hanging out there in my subconscious. I am back to being myself again, back to normality.

Daunting Task

Living with strangers can be frustrating at time as well as rewarding at some other times. Working with the people you live with means seeing those same people all the time and after long hours of labouring you might easily get annoyed by something so small and meagre like whether the a particular person likes its food with or without real tomatoes but somehow can eat food that is made of tomato paste, things like that, which somehow I still scratch my head to try to understand the peculiar logic behind that habit, for me tomatoes is the same as tomato paste, fuck it's red and it taste the same. Like if that was going to stop me from using real tomatoes on my food, I was making pizza sauce the other night and since we only bought tomatoes because this particular person didn't inform us in advance that he didn't like eating tomatoes, but just before we were cooking it. Unbelievable!