Affinity

This is how I live my life, I worry about my present, not too much about the futute, if you can't live your present life, how can you life or plan about your fututre, people have been critizing about my point of view, calling me naive, yes, it is kinf of narrow minded view that I hold but if you can't live a good and pleasant life now, how on earth are you going to be able to have great life in the future. I am not going to suffer a horrible life now or do things that might not be something that I like just to please someone, i rather not, cause that is my choice, i choose to live my life happily. I don't want to be somewhere that I am not happy or maybe sad just so some other people can be happy cause that is not fair and that is selfish for people to hold me down and don't let me go. I want to go and I need to live my life and even thought my live is unpredictable, I love it, I love it every minute of it and even thought it the outcome might be horrible or nasty at least it is my decision and it is how people struggle. This is how people learn and live by making their own mistakes. I rather live my own life than fulfill someone elses dream.

Andale

Brazillian Samba girls, doing what they can do best, dancing.



Brazillina Boys showing off their music skills.

Alivios

In CDE, if you really want to live and do business here, you have to be creative and somehow innovative, being innovative is the only way to make money, as I always said to myself, be the driver of your destiny and not the passenger, but in this case, if you want to travel fast get a cab that looks like one of these motorbikes, cause that is the way to hail a cab in CDE.

Autobus

I am walking around the City of Cuidad Del Este and decided to bring my camera along to see if I could capture something unique about this city, well didn't do a good job but found this bus an interesting subject of art.

Antagonize

The last few days in Sao Paulo was rather enjoyful than unpleasant, coming out from a short fling was very uplifting. I mean it was a five year fling but it was a fling cause there was not accord whether we were really dating or not, a short kind of fling cause most of the time I wasn't in Brazil, I was somewhere else travelling so somehow it wasn't meant to work, it is as it is, when it isn't what it is, you can force it. When something that wasn't mean to be, it will never meant to be and there was no point for us to stick with each other when clearly there was not spark between us, it was amicable and we remain "friend", right now we are moving on and avoiding each other but time will heal us and hopefully we can someday look at each other and say hi. I felt that coming to Paraguay side of the waterfall after Sao Paulo was a bit too much, well I felt gloaded into coming here, I love this place but somehow I was convinced into coming here just so I can bring some pet fish (alive) and after that am I just supposed to just go back, I felt kind of used. I have been antagonized for the past week so that I can MAKE the right decision, yeah I did and every decision I do stand by it. However sometimes it feels wrong, that someone would do such a thing, but the thing you have to know about me, is that I always look on the bright side of life. So I am as well taking this opportunity to find my inner me and focus on my career, if I still have one and my hobbies. Living here is as cheap as it comes, and in the meantime I can alwasy find something producte, only if the weather was a bit more cooperative, I would have been able to go to the LAKE, a nameless lake, funny uh, the people from this city were too lazy or uninspired to even name its own lake but its a lake and hopefully I can run and keep myself fit and reduce the consumption of alcohol, at least to twice a week. I said reduce not giving up, come on I need some thrill and entertainment and the bottle of cachaca seems to be the only thing that gives me the rush, if you know what I mean!

Agua Caidas

This is where I will be spending some quality time with my mom and family, well near the waterfalls. Enjoy the view

Asphyxiating

Decisions are always there to haunt you, whether you made the right one or not. I haven´t been able to sleep well the past two days because I cannot seem to make the right decision, it is torturing me and my self being. I am too undecided at the moment, I don´t know whether I should go back to Australia this Friday or stay for a while, I know staying here for another month is not really much but I don´t know whether I can actually stay with my relatives that long. I won´t spend as much as I do in Australia, but I won´t be as happy as I will be there. All my friends are like kind of leaving, would love to say goodbyes but then here I´ve got families but no social life. I need to have some kind of friends here, most of the people that I have met are either too old (no offence) or too young. I need to meet people because I need to socialize. It is a hard choice, a choice is killing me, I won´t ever be able to see those friends but I can always see my relatives, they ain´t going nowhere, so decisions have to be made. I just don´t know where to start, being here in Brazil made me realize I have nothing else to do, I feel like I have lost my sense of will, like if there was no purpose of living. I can´t seem to be able to see this past me. I am feeling this agonizing pain but can´t find the root of it. I want to fix it but don´t know where to start. I know both decisions will have their own concequences and I can´t seem to be able to stomach neither of them. I need to run, I want to go somewhere that I don´t have to choose no more. I can´t even feel inspired, I can´t even finish my projects, they are all in hiatus. Life can be so asphyxiating. I need to breathe.

Ambition

For most people, the weekend is the most pleasant days of the week, unless you work on the weekend but unlike most people, we dont, we I meant, backpackers or tourist. Weekends and travelling in Brazil has become an extended day to go out and have fun because for a backpacker like me every day feels like Saturday. Going to places on the weekend feels more like a day of because that's the only few days that normal people tend to go out and do relaxing things, making the whole city kind of crowded. However that is not the thing, I went out this weekend, drank and I don't know, not the same me. Something made me do things that I wouldn't do but I was a good person. I went out with the person that I have been falling in love, a person that I don't know where we stand at this moment, because to be honest I don't know where I am standing in my life, just still searching for something, searching for something that I don't know what it is. The constant search for happiness, which is what I would call it occacionally to encourage myself or perhaps to lie to myself that everything is going to be fine. Going out on that particular Saturday didn't go out as it was planned. We go into a huge fight, jealous fight and I left the place, a bit drunk and a bit disappointed and very lost. I tried to find my way and it was 4 in the morning, luckily I wasn't robbed but if I did I didn't have much on me. So looking for a cab and telling the cab to take me to the closest train station wasn't as easy, it was quite a story but I ended going to my friend's home and waking her up. She was startlet to see me back but she opened her door and went to bed. That for me was a horrible day. I have been trying to move on, trying to see something else because I want to be happy eventually. I do deserved that, I have this doubt that I will never be happy because I don't know what happy really is, the movies that we see or stories that we read are always happy and we believe that, we believe that is what we need to get to be happy. So what is happiness and how is it that it is so hard to get. I am trying so hard but sometimes I just don't want to try, maybe it is time for me to just be a miserable cunt.
The problem that most people face in life is
Life

Anxiety

Something is bothering me, something is keeping me awake all night long and is not that I can't find sleep easily but it is something that I cannot solve and it is bothering me so much but I can't do anything else. The problem is what am I going to do, I am in South America and I don't seem to be doing anything productive. I mean I can't be doing this all my life, running away all the time. I have reasons to stay as well as reasons not to stay. I just don't know what to do. I mean, I am not spending much money here but my motto is to use but not to abuse and it is kind of bothering me because I am staying at my friends and families house here at both Brasil and Paraguay and I am not really doing anything for the household so it is bothering me because I am not used to get that kind of freebies, I don't know why but I am not used to that kind of generosity. I don't wanna abuse my friends and relatives' nice gesture by keeping me in their house for free and eating for free but then I don't have a lot of money to spend so it is hard, even thou they have asked me to stay a bit longer for my moms birthday so that is kind of keeping me here. I want to stay because I think I have someone here to keep me happy but then I don't have a job and I am not keen in working in Brasil so going back to Australia seems to be the right thing to do but, then what I am going to do in Australia? I have someone to keep me warm at night, well for the time being, without thinking too much about it and a family to share some moments but they leave miles away, like 12 hours bus drive so I can only have one things at a time. I know I am greedy. There are some friends but they will be leaving soon but the adventures still there and my second year in Australia will be my last one so this is killing me so I dont know what to do. I wish I have someone to tell me what to do but I don't usually like people telling me what to do. I need to do the right thing and I need to wait until Monday so I can speak to the airline and sort it out. It is going to be a long weekend for me. Not a long and peaceful one I guess.

Adventurous

Travelling around South America, for the second time in my live, well as a backpacker, has been quite an eye opening experience, this time, I am more mature and well travelled, not much but I have been more places than before, and I have dealt with more difficulties so I am more aware of what I should do or shouldn't but somehow coming back to South America does give me some sense of hope, I mean this continent does have a future of its own and it is struggling to deal with every situation it has been thrown at so I am quite proud to say that I belong to this wonderful, beautiful and full of wonder continent of South America. I am not seeing much these days because I dont know why but I am so exhausted from travelling and drinking that I am quite happy to chill down and sit there and do nothing. Enjoy the beautiful faunas and the clean air, it is just thrilling, perhaps I am experiencing withdrawal symptoms and my body is trying to adjust itself to the pace of the locals. They do close early thou, which is a bit annoying and their supermarkets don't have the things that I have been buying since that I am used to and the best part I haven't cook just helped make some pizza dought but not really cooked. I am pampered here with family and some TLC. Anyways it is nice but I am getting bored of this easy life, I want my adventure and I want to do my own thing. I guess I am used to do my own thing that I am not enjoying the easy life now. I know I need some fixing.

Absence

I haven't been doing my part of the bargain, to write my adventure as a backpacker. I have been travelling for once, doing something that I have been dreading for, something that I have to do before I decide to settle down, been pushed and questione and even interrogated by relatives concerning my future plans. I for once don't have a clue yet, I for the other hand have no desire to settle down yet and I do not like to be pushed around. I will settle down when I am ready, I have been dreaming, still dreaming about travelling and visiting new places. I just had a dream that I was waiting at the airport somewhere in the world with two friends, friends from both the past and the present. Funny thou, it was a nice a pleasant dream and the place where we were supposed to go was and unlikely place. a place where I never ever planned to go. Well, right now I am in Brazil, kind of between Brazil and Paraguay, a town between those two countries, and I am visiting my relatives and dreading for more adventure to come. I have already spent a week in Sap Paolo where I met an old friend. It made me realize how much I missed that friend, a friend that has become more than just a friend but I am a bit scared to let my guard down again because I know it isn't going to happen. I can't even speak the language properly and the language barrier is just too much for me to overcome, maybe is the psycology behind this that is the problem but I can't because I am afraid to get into somewhere that I don't want to go again. Perhaps its what I am, always looking for the unreachable and always dreaming for the untouchable. I have always set myself into a situation that is going to create some drama in my life. I have been travelling like I wanted and I have been missing the people that I have left behind because I am always searching for the one, and always looking for the place but never have found it neither of them. Maybe it is time to settle down and look for the future, but the future is bleak is there isn't none of those two basic requirement, love and security. What is it that I am trying to set myself into this time? Only time will tell and hopefully when that happens I ain't too old to regret my actions.