Ambition

For most people, the weekend is the most pleasant days of the week, unless you work on the weekend but unlike most people, we dont, we I meant, backpackers or tourist. Weekends and travelling in Brazil has become an extended day to go out and have fun because for a backpacker like me every day feels like Saturday. Going to places on the weekend feels more like a day of because that's the only few days that normal people tend to go out and do relaxing things, making the whole city kind of crowded. However that is not the thing, I went out this weekend, drank and I don't know, not the same me. Something made me do things that I wouldn't do but I was a good person. I went out with the person that I have been falling in love, a person that I don't know where we stand at this moment, because to be honest I don't know where I am standing in my life, just still searching for something, searching for something that I don't know what it is. The constant search for happiness, which is what I would call it occacionally to encourage myself or perhaps to lie to myself that everything is going to be fine. Going out on that particular Saturday didn't go out as it was planned. We go into a huge fight, jealous fight and I left the place, a bit drunk and a bit disappointed and very lost. I tried to find my way and it was 4 in the morning, luckily I wasn't robbed but if I did I didn't have much on me. So looking for a cab and telling the cab to take me to the closest train station wasn't as easy, it was quite a story but I ended going to my friend's home and waking her up. She was startlet to see me back but she opened her door and went to bed. That for me was a horrible day. I have been trying to move on, trying to see something else because I want to be happy eventually. I do deserved that, I have this doubt that I will never be happy because I don't know what happy really is, the movies that we see or stories that we read are always happy and we believe that, we believe that is what we need to get to be happy. So what is happiness and how is it that it is so hard to get. I am trying so hard but sometimes I just don't want to try, maybe it is time for me to just be a miserable cunt.
The problem that most people face in life is
Life