Absence

I haven't been doing my part of the bargain, to write my adventure as a backpacker. I have been travelling for once, doing something that I have been dreading for, something that I have to do before I decide to settle down, been pushed and questione and even interrogated by relatives concerning my future plans. I for once don't have a clue yet, I for the other hand have no desire to settle down yet and I do not like to be pushed around. I will settle down when I am ready, I have been dreaming, still dreaming about travelling and visiting new places. I just had a dream that I was waiting at the airport somewhere in the world with two friends, friends from both the past and the present. Funny thou, it was a nice a pleasant dream and the place where we were supposed to go was and unlikely place. a place where I never ever planned to go. Well, right now I am in Brazil, kind of between Brazil and Paraguay, a town between those two countries, and I am visiting my relatives and dreading for more adventure to come. I have already spent a week in Sap Paolo where I met an old friend. It made me realize how much I missed that friend, a friend that has become more than just a friend but I am a bit scared to let my guard down again because I know it isn't going to happen. I can't even speak the language properly and the language barrier is just too much for me to overcome, maybe is the psycology behind this that is the problem but I can't because I am afraid to get into somewhere that I don't want to go again. Perhaps its what I am, always looking for the unreachable and always dreaming for the untouchable. I have always set myself into a situation that is going to create some drama in my life. I have been travelling like I wanted and I have been missing the people that I have left behind because I am always searching for the one, and always looking for the place but never have found it neither of them. Maybe it is time to settle down and look for the future, but the future is bleak is there isn't none of those two basic requirement, love and security. What is it that I am trying to set myself into this time? Only time will tell and hopefully when that happens I ain't too old to regret my actions.