Asphyxiating

Decisions are always there to haunt you, whether you made the right one or not. I haven´t been able to sleep well the past two days because I cannot seem to make the right decision, it is torturing me and my self being. I am too undecided at the moment, I don´t know whether I should go back to Australia this Friday or stay for a while, I know staying here for another month is not really much but I don´t know whether I can actually stay with my relatives that long. I won´t spend as much as I do in Australia, but I won´t be as happy as I will be there. All my friends are like kind of leaving, would love to say goodbyes but then here I´ve got families but no social life. I need to have some kind of friends here, most of the people that I have met are either too old (no offence) or too young. I need to meet people because I need to socialize. It is a hard choice, a choice is killing me, I won´t ever be able to see those friends but I can always see my relatives, they ain´t going nowhere, so decisions have to be made. I just don´t know where to start, being here in Brazil made me realize I have nothing else to do, I feel like I have lost my sense of will, like if there was no purpose of living. I can´t seem to be able to see this past me. I am feeling this agonizing pain but can´t find the root of it. I want to fix it but don´t know where to start. I know both decisions will have their own concequences and I can´t seem to be able to stomach neither of them. I need to run, I want to go somewhere that I don´t have to choose no more. I can´t even feel inspired, I can´t even finish my projects, they are all in hiatus. Life can be so asphyxiating. I need to breathe.